We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
