new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
