the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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