Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
