yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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