Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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