she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
