Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
