just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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