I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
