The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's blow job season.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize