Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
