Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
