is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I looked at my own cervix.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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