If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
