non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize