90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
