She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You made out with two different species that night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
