Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
