wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
