We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
