the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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