I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
