my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
