i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
