At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
