I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize