Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
