Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
