dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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