Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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