Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
