So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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