once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
