I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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