Sry I called you an 8
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
