I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
love makes seman taste better
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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