Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
