Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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