I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize