I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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