Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
