I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
