wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
