I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
