Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Green mimosas i think yes
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
