I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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