mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It was confusing and full of hummus
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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