I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dick very happy bro
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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