i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
