My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
