i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize