During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
