her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
