I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
