I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just want nice things and good sex
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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