if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
