I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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