i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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