The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I want a musical about memes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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