hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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