you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
