no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's a Shit stain on my heart
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
