I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
