happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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