found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
