how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
