nut hugger
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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