1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
