hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
