How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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