All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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