I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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