Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
