I want to walk on stilts...naked
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
worst night to have a conscience
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
