I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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