she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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