my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
