How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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