If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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