i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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