The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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