NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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