i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My dick has a subreddit
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
