sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
