my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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