Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
