this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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