pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
