i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
