you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
