I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
