Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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