I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
